Hello friends!  Can you believe it’s been THREE months since I’ve last posted?!?!  That is just CRAZY!!!!  I can tell you though that there has been  A LOT happen over the last three months and we have quite a bit of catching up to do!  So I’m going to answer the question “Where am I?” in a few different areas.  Here it goes!

Physically

Softball season has started and can I just say that I am sooo pumped that it has!  I LOVE being able to run the bases without being out of breath!  Ok, maybe that’s just a bit of an exaggeration – I’m breathing pretty hard after running the bases, but not to the point I feel like I’m going to pass out.  The point is that I CAN run those bases – maybe not fast, but I can!  I had a minor setback though after being ran over by two men at home plate and for the first time in my softball career I finally became one with the extremely hard ground.  lol.  I ended up with a mild concussion and a sore back.  But I’m better now and ready to play again this Sunday – bring it on!!

My body is still changing and I think I notice the biggest difference in my face.  I was scrolling through my profile photos on facebook recently and I started from current day photo to the oldest photo posted.  Wow – what a big difference (no pun intended)!  And the fun part is, I know I’m not done.

In April, I participated in a 3 mile walk and had no problem doing the three miles!  It’s time to start thinking about the 2013 Mini-Marathon though.  I really want to do it, but at the same time I feel like 13 miles is a distant goal to meet.  I’ve really slacked off on working out because things have been crazy lately.  That, and one of the issues I’ve been dealing with is that I get really tired in the afternoons and I just want to go home and do nothing after work.    I know I have to consciously make the decision to go to the gym, but I don’t.   Life has also gotten in the way of working out too  – more on that later.  😉

I’d love to say that I’ve lost a lot more weight over the last three months, but my body is finally getting to a point where it’s starting to slow down the weight loss and even itself out.  I’ve only lost 10 pounds over the last three months.  I probably could have lost more if I wasn’t eating out so much due to the fact that my schedule is absolutely crazy right now.  So I have to be REALLY careful about what I eat.  Before, I struggled with getting my fluids in.  Now, I struggle with making sure I get my protein in.  LOL  It’s funny that those two have seemed to flipped, but that’s just how it is.  I still get full faster, but sometimes my food choices aren’t the best – I admit it.   And sometimes, I pay for those food choices.  And I’m still a rookie here so it’s a learning experience too.  But on the positive side – I am now wearing a size 14/16 and that makes me really happy!  🙂  I had to get rid of three more shirts the other day because they were literally falling off of me.  Shirts that were once snug on me are now falling off of me – I’d say that’s a great problem to have!  LOL

I go tomorrow morning to have some extensive bloodwork done because in two weeks I have my 6 month check-up.  So all of the bloodwork I’ll have done is just to test and see where all of my levels are at – making sure I’m getting the vitamins and nutrients that I need.  It’s hard to believe it’s been 6 months (well almost 7) since my surgery.  Before we know it, I’ll be celebrating my one year anniversary!  But let’s not rush it – I’m really looking forward to summer and WARM weather!

Emotionally

Well life over the last three months has been a rollercoaster to say the least.   I have had several ups and downs, but I just have to remember that it was a season of life and I’m glad things are looking better.  As many of you know, I was engaged last fall and shortly thereafter the engagement was called off.  After some time apart, some serious soul searching, and the help of a wonderful counselor, I am happy to report that a relationship that was once broken has been mended and I’m getting married!!  🙂  My fiance and I have been attending couple’s counseling over the last few months and neither one of us is ashamed to admit it.  Quite honestly, it’s been a great investment into our future marriage.  I have to say that he is the first man to really fight for what we have and I know that if we ever hit a rocky point in our marriage that he would be willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage.  But on the flipside of that, we still deal with some who do not agree with our choices.  I won’t hide the fact that I wish that everyone would be supportive of my decision, but I also understand why some people are hesitant about it.  I get it.  All I can do is pray that people will open their eyes to the fact that my fiance really does love me and that he has changed.  NO relationship is ever perfect, but if two people love each other and are willing to forgive one another and move forward, then all that matters at the end of the day is that we didn’t give up.  It’s not very often nowadays that you find someone who will do whatever it takes to make a relationship work.

I try not to internalize everything and keep stuff bottled up.  But sometimes I do, and this is one of those times.  I feel the resistance from people and then I start to question myself and my decisions.  And then I start on this cycle of emotional highs and lows.  I shouldn’t LET outside influences  mess with my head,  but I do.  I mean yesterday I was watching “A Baby Story” on TLC and I cried at all of the episodes.  I finally had to walk away from the TV, lol.  But then again, maybe all of this wedding planning (actually, reception planning) has me overwhelmed.  After all, there is quite a bit of emotion there and yes, I am freaking out just a bit over it.  It’s been nine almost ten years since the last time I was married (holy moses!  didn’t realize it’d been that long, lol).  With that, some of the fears start creeping back in about my failed first marriage.  I can’t compare my fiance to my ex-husband because they are TOTALLY different.  But I can’t ignore the fact that second marriages are at a higher divorce risk than first marriages.  And maybe the enemy is just playing with my mind, but one thing I’m not going to do is let the enemy win.  My fiance and I have set a boundary that the word and option of divorce is forbidden in our home and it’s off the table.  I would love nothing more than to have people standing behind us, praying for us, as we walk down this road to our future life.  And I know that come July 17, 2012, that hopefully it will be one of the best days of my life and then again on July 21st as we celebrate with our family and friends!

Spiritually

I don’t talk a lot about my faith on here but I feel that it’s important to share where I’m at because I think it all ties in together with where I’m at everywhere else.

I hardly EVER miss a  service at church or two services at that because I’m usually serving in both services.  However, a couple of Sundays ago I actually missed both services.   It was awesome getting a reprieve from my duties but at the same time it felt “weird”.  lol  I actually took the opportunity to stay home on a Sunday.  I had just gotten back from a business trip on that Friday, Saturday was crazy busy, and I just needed a day to do nothing, think about nothing, and just simply be.  And it was nice.

But here lately I’ve had this feeling of being disconnected – disconnected from people, from things I enjoy, and from God.  I don’t know why, but I just do.  It’s a bit hard to explain and I’m not even sure I can put it into words here.  I just know that spiritually I’m not where I should be, where I want to be, but at the same time I don’t know how to get out of this funk.  It’s hard to get out of something you don’t really fully understand.   Maybe it’s because I’m overwhelmed with fixing up a house (that is taking FOREVER!), getting married and all that goes along with that, a new job at work, and I’m just allowing life to get in the way of my relationship with God.   Whatever it is, I’d really like to get back to where I was with God – but right now I’m just not there.  Maybe this IS a growing moment…I don’t know.

Other News

So yes, as I’ve said before I am getting married – that’s big news!  I’m so excited to finally start our lives together as husband and wife and I’m REALLY looking forward to having a family someday!  We talked last night in our counseling session how women fear losing their sense of identity of who they are now to who they become (i.e. so and so’s wife, so and so’s mom, etc). I actually don’t fear that – I’m embracing that and looking forward to the day of being called wife and eventually mom.  I’ve always had a desire to be a mother.  Some of you know that before my surgery, becoming a mom was really a shot in the dark because of some health issues I had.  Now that I’m losing weight and getting healthier and removing some of those barriers that were preventing me from conceiving many years ago, I’m excited about what the future holds.  Oh and I’m going Thursday evening to pick out my dress – I have two picked out, I just need to figure out which one I want to get.  I’m so glad that my mom is going too.

I recently had a change at my job and took on a new role at work.  At first, I was going to be traveling for four weeks to New Jersey, but that changed and instead I was only gone for a week.  And with that, my company was gracious enough to give me a wardrobe allowance to purchase business suit attire.  Let me tell ya, that couldn’t have come at a better time!  I had a personal shopper from Macy’s and I loved every minute of it.  I really can’t even describe how I felt trying on those suits and actually liked what I saw in the mirror.  I felt like I could conquer the world.  It was an amazing feeling – and just one more thing to add to the list of pay-offs from having my surgery.

As I mentioned too, I’m in the middle of a house remodel.  Oh how I wish it was done!  But unfortunately we are not even close!  It’s been difficult for me to go over to the house and work if it’s cold.   There is no heat in the house and my body simply cannot handle cold temperatures anymore.  If it’s not 76 or above, I’m probably freezing.  But now that the weather has gotten nicer,  other things have cluttered my schedule and haven’t allowed me to work on it.  And at the same time I’m trying to keep the outside looking nice so that we don’t get a nice little letter from the town saying to clean up your property.  I have a love/hate relationship with the monstrous flower garden in the front yard.  I’m half tempted to bulldoze the entire front yard and start over with just grass!  LOL.  At least I can mow it and be done with it!  lol  So even though I’m getting married in July, we really won’t have a house to live in for a while.  I (half) joked with my fiance the other day about where we would stay after we were married.  I told him that we’d have this running joke about custody – “Well which set of parents has custody of us this weekend?” after I had mentioned about trading weekends of where we’d stay.  Just another detail we have to work out.  But until then, it’s work work work on the house.  We have GOT to get it done soon!!!!

Well that’s about all I have for now.  I know this was long – but that’s what you get for when I take forever and a day to blog again.  LOL  I hope that I didn’t talk your ear off or poke your eyes out with boredom.  Just know that things are crazy right now, and I may be a bit scatter-brained for a while – no comments from the peanut gallery either!  Ha!  🙂

I hope you all have a blessed day!  Love each and every one of you!

Take care!

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