Hi everyone!

This post may be a bit on the scattered side because it’s been one of those weeks and I’m still trying to process everything that has transpired over the last couple of days.  I figured I’d start this entry on a not-so-good note and end on a positive, because I’m trying to stay positive, considering the circumstances.  So it’s been almost 24 hours since I posted anything on my facebook page (for those of you who follow my updates there).  Mainly because I just needed to unplug from everything for a bit and just get through this day and collect my thoughts.

On November 17, my boyfriend of only 4 months, proposed to me!  I was so happy and so excited about our future together.  We had planned to get married on June 2, 2012 and by December of 2012 we had plans to start our family.  That was, until yesterday.  My world literally came crashing down as I had discovered that the person I was planning to marry was certainly not the person who I thought he was, nor fell in love with.   To protect all parties involved, all I am really going to say about this is that I called off the engagement, the wedding, and the relationship.  Only those very close to me know the details and I am not going to share the details on here.  Yes, I am embarrassed about the whole thing and I feel like such a fool.  But I know deep down, that it was better that things ended now than after marriage.  I am without a doubt heartbroken, sad, angry, upset, and everything in between.  I have just been in a numb state the last 24 hours and like I said, still trying to process it all.   It’s going to take a lot for me to trust {any man} again after this.  But then again, I know I just need some time to heal from this, too.  So please forgive me if I don’t seem my cheery self in person.  This one is going to take some time – Jesus knows this too – and I have been having several conversations with Him.

But I do want to say thank you to everyone that has either texted me, called me, messaged me on facebook, or left kind words on my facebook wall.  Even though I didn’t respond to them – they did not go unnoticed.  It’s nice to know that despite my foolishness, my mistakes, that people still care and do care.  I wish I could hug every one of you in person and thank you tirelessly, but I know that’s not possible, so please accept my virtual {hug} and thank you.  I will be okay, it’s just going to take some time like I said.  But with wonderful people like you, you make this difficult journey just a little bit easier and comforting.

So now onto some positives – the real reason I started this blog – my journey to a new creation.  I’m now almost four weeks post op – that’s hard to believe!  I have graduated to solid soft foods.  What does that mean?  Well, I can now have foods that are soft, easy to cut like canned chicken, finely ground pork, beef, turkey, etc.  I’m still only eating about 4 oz each meal (which equates to a 1/2 cup).  I have no problem getting my protein intake in – but it’s the fluid intake that I’m struggling with.  I’m supposed to get 64 oz in a day, and it’s a good day if I can get to 30 oz.  And I’ve been feeling the effects of not getting my fluids in.  I have been nauseous a lot this week and somewhat fatigued.  I have spent a lot of time in bed this week.  I did call the doctor today because there was some concerns about my incisions being red.  They just told me that they were just irritated due to them being so itchy.  Oh my word are they itchy!!!  I feel like at times that I just soaked in poison ivy leaves I itch so bad!  It’s ridiculous!  I try not to scratch but wow!  It’s insane!  Usually I just take some pain medication to knock me out and it will settle down for a while.  When I had my hernia surgery a year and a half ago I never experienced this when my incision was healing.  Anyway – they told me though that I definitely need to get my liquid intake up so that I don’t get dehydrated and that it will also help with my nausea.  So that’s my short-term goal – more fluids!  And if you see me rubbing my belly – no I’m not practicing for the rub your belly pat your head trick – it’s my way of not scratching!  lol.

Today, I needed to (or actually forced myself to) get out of the house.  I knew I had to eventually go to the shoe store before Monday to get some new work dress shoes because all I had in my closet were summer shoes.  And if you’re anywhere close to Indiana right now, you know it’s pretty darn cold here (even though I did wear flip-flops today – rebel!  lol).  So I took off by myself (well Jesus was with me too) and that’s what I did – I bought some new shoes.  But much to my surprise, I did NOT have to buy wide-width shoes this time!  I got my foot in several pairs of regular sized shoes!  I’m starting to like shoe shopping again – although it’s still not my favorite – but it’s getting there.

Secondly, I knew I had to get a new pair of jeans because the jeans I bought just before surgery are officially too big and I look sloppy in them, or they look sloppy on me -however you want to look at it.  I’m trying not to buy too many clothes right now because my size is changing constantly.  So I have to do laundry around here frequently (I think I’m keeping the makers of Gain laundry detergent and fabric softener in business, lol) because my choice of clothes are limited, lol.  So I went in to Dress Barn (love that place, my budget however doesn’t lol). and picked out several pairs of jeans in different sizes because I had no clue what size I needed.  I tried on one size and much to my surprise again – they were too big!  So when the lady asked me if I needed a different size, I wasn’t embarrassed to say yes, please I actually need a size smaller if you have it.  Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve actually had to say something like that???  Wow it felt good!  So I got my smaller size jeans and to top it off, I got a coat in a size I don’t think I’ve ever seen in my life and it was half off, plus a pair of knit pants that were 70% off.  I hated to spend that much money, but I think it was well deserved after what I’d just gone through this week.  And I justified buying the coat because I really don’t have a heavy winter coat that fits – the ones I do have are way too big.

So here are the stats:

Shoe size – 9.5

Pant size – 20  (20??  oh yeah!  in a few more weeks I’m hoping for a 16 lol)

Coat size – 14/16 baby!!!!  Now I will say though – I don’t think I’m in that size in regular shirts yet, but I can guess that I might be getting closer than I think.  I didn’t try on any shirts today – had to have some self control somewhere, lol.

Weight – 243 (That’s a total of 15 pounds since my surgery and SEVENTY-TWO pounds since I began this journey in March – holy Moses!!)

I will say though that I’m a bit jealous seeing all of these posts on facebook of friends who have already signed up for the mini-marathon for 2012.  While I won’t be able to participate in 2012 – I will be there to cheer you all on!  But watch out – 2013 will be my year and I fully expect you all to sign up again – lol!  just kidding……kinda.  😉

Well I think I’ve rambled on long enough.  I’m about to have me some chocolate pudding with peanut butter – it’s the highlight of my night anymore, lol.  And after that, call it a night.  Oh one more thing – I go back to work on Monday and while I have enjoyed being at home the last four weeks and I’m going to miss it, I am glad to be going back to see all of my coworkers again.  The hardest part will be getting into a regular schedule again, making sure I’m getting up and walking every two hours, and getting my liquids in.  But I’ll manage – I always do, somehow.

I hope everyone has a great Friday, a great weekend, both of which I hope are full of blessings.

Love you all!