Well, here it is.  My first entry into this new blog.  As the title suggests, it’s a new life at 32.   Now I know what some of you are thinking.  I’m not exactly 32, yet.  However, I am only a few {short} months away from turning 32 and hopefully a few {short} months to becoming a new person.  I’m sure some of you may have some questions and opinions of your own as you read this blog.    That’s okay.  That’s part of the reason why I’ve created this “space”.  I want you to ask questions.  I want you to express your views.  I think too often people are too scared to ask or have a fear of being real with someone because of always being judged.  So with that said, this is a safe haven – for me and for you.  Any comments left on here will be monitored before being made public.  So if you leave a comment and want a reply, or you want the comment to remain private, please be sure to tell me.  Otherwise, I won’t know.  🙂  Also, let me throw this disclaimer in here….I am in NO way an expert and any medical references that may be made on here should ALWAYS be discussed with YOUR doctor FIRST!  This blog is nothing more than my personal experience.  Each person is unique, please keep that in mind.  Okay, enough of the not-so-fun-stuff….let’s get to the real reason I’m here.

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A week ago today I took the first step in becoming a new me.  I attended a {required} seminar on bariatric surgery.  Yes…you read that right.   And so my story begins…

You see, for as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with being overweight, as far back as kindergarten.  So for 27 years I have been fighting this demon called obesity.  And for many years, I allows played it off as genetics, or that it didn’t really bother me, or that this was the way I’m supposed to be, or I just simply ignored it all together.   And some of that was also me trying to convince myself I was fine.  It’s a battle within one’s own self and after 27 years, I’m done fighting that battle.  I’m ready to conquer it.  And that’s why I’ve created this blog.  I want to be able to share with you this journey through the ups and downs, through the joys and sorrows, and through the pains and the triumphs.

So why now?  Why after all of these years have I decided to take this route?  It’s a combination of things really.  I’m at that point where I’m tired of trying on clothes, because nothing fits {right}.  I HATE trying on shoes because I have such a wide foot and shoes are becoming harder and harder to find and wear.  I am always tired and run down.   I really hate having my picture taken because all I see is an ugly blob.  It has been one failed relationship after another and I hate dating anymore.  I can’t even walk a flight of stairs without being out of breath.  I retain water like crazy anymore and my feet double in size.  The physical pains are becoming more and more intense and some days I could just cry.  And of course, there’s the failed diets and all the emotional rollercoaster stuff that goes on with those.  I could go on and on.  But the last year was an incredibly trying year for our family.    The biggest hurdle we had to face as a family was dealing with my brother having cancer.  And it wasn’t until about a month ago, that everything really just came full cirlce.

On the night before my brother was about to get his test results back to see if he was in remission or not, I was about to board a plane to meet him and the rest of my family so that I could be there when he got his results.  This, being only the third time I’d flown, I really didn’t have any fears, except one – that I couldn’t fit in the seat.  So as I boarded the plane, and took my seat I quickly went from relief to feeling mortified.  Oh, I could fit in the seat just fine.  It was the stinkin seat belt that didn’t fit.  So much to my embarrassment, I had to ask for an extender.  I tried not to think about it too much, but truly it hurt.  The only comforting thing about that whole ordeal was the nice flight attendant who sat next to me went and got the extender for me after the real flight attendant forgot after I’d asked.  I politely and quietly thanked her and kept to myself the entire flight to Milwaukee.

The next day my family awaited anxiously for my brother and his wife to come out to hear the results of his tests.  I’ll never forget that look and those words as he approached us…..  “Complete Remission!”.  Tears and hugs soon followed as well as text messages, facebook status updates, and phone calls!    As we stood in the hallway, I can also remember my brother saying something about how snow never looked more prettier than it did then.  And I realized something.  My brother has been given a second chance at life.   And here I am wasting time at that same chance.  I have the power to change my future.  And if I don’t do something soon, I may not have that chance.  I am slowly killing my own self.

It’s not like I just out of the blue decided to go to a bariatric seminar.  My doctor had talked to me about it a couple of times over the last year or so.  It was something I kept in the back of my mind, but it wasn’t something that I was ready to face, until now.  I had been looking at options and programs around the area and just decided to go with the one my doctor recommended.  I chose to go to the seminar by myself and told no one that I was going.  I decided that I needed to look at this with my own viewpoint and decide for myself.  I didn’t want to go into the seminar with anyone’s opinions or ideas other than my own.  I can’t allow everyone else to dictate my life.  I have to be the one to do this and it has to come from my own inner strength.  I can’t do it all on my own though.  Yes, I will have a great medical team who knows what they are doing, but I need support outside of those hospital walls, where real life happens, my life.  I need support from my family, friends, co-horts, readers, etc.  I knew going into this that I was going to need some very special and close people in my life to stand behind me in this decision and walk along side of me on this journey.   And I am beyond blessed to have those people in my life who said “Yes!  Absolutely!”  and without hesitation or judgement.  Saying thank you though to those people just doesn’t seem like enough.  But really, thank you!   You are helping save my life, even if it’s just a quick “hey, how’s it going?” or a phone call that says “Hey, going for a walk, want to join me?”  I need people actively engaging with me and if they see that I’m falling by the wayside, to help me get back on track.

This isn’t going to be an easy journey, I know that.  I’m prepared for that.   I’m just simply asking for people to stand in my corner and push me, challenge me, pray for me, love me, and remind me of why I’m doing this.

So here are a few reasons why I’m doing this:

1.  I need to be healthy again.

2.  There are two things in life I want to experience:  being thin(ner).

3.  I want to experience pregnancy someday.

4.  I want to improve my emotional state when it comes to a relationship with my {future} husband {whoever that might turn out to be}.

5.  I want to run.  I love running actually.

6.  I want to be able to go do things without being in pain at the end of the day.

7.  I want to feel beautiful.

8.  I want to love being me.

9.  I wan to live this life according to God’s plan for me.  I think I’m standing in the way of that, right now.

10.  I want to be able to say I lost half of me..and the better half stuck around.  🙂  {which is the whole theme of this blog, and was born out of the verse at the bottom of this entry.}

So there you have it.  Well, part of it anyway.  🙂  My new life actually started last week, but at 32 it’s going to look a whole lot better!

Oh before I go, I wanted to share some great news that I received from the doctor’s office a couple of days ago.  One of the things that I knew {assumed} was going to be an obstacle was insurance and the whole financial aspect of it.   While not perfect {in my idea of perfect, lol} I am happy to report that my insurance will approve of the surgery.  But {yes, there are always stipulations when it comes to insurance companies}, I do have to do 6 months of a doctor-supervised weight loss program and there’s a whole list of  other things that I have to get, but those are minor.  And then at the end of 6 months the insurance company will approve of the surgery.  Now, the only bummer part is that this hospital is not in my network and so I will be responsible for my deductible and 30% of the cost.   I’m okay with that.  I am set in my mind that I’m going to do whatever it takes to pay for this surgery.  I want my {real} life back!  I’m convinced that God will take care of it all, and everything will fall into place just as it should.  🙂

My first doctor’s appointment is next week.   I plan to blog here often as necessary or when I feel inspired.    Again, this is a journey, and who knows where it will lead.

Until then….


“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” {2 Corinthians 5:17}

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